वापसी

ए  परिंदे  रुक  जा  ठहर  जा
ये  तू  कहाँ  आ  गया वापस  शहर  जा
चल  पड़ा  उन  रस्तों  पर  एक  बार  फिर
ए  ज़िन्दगी  आज  फिर  से  वो  पहर  ला
जिनमे  मैं  खेला  था  बढ़ा  था
उन  नन्हे  पैरों  की  मस्ती उस  उमंग  की  खिलखिलाहट
उस  मासूमियत  के  लिए  फिर  से  मेहर  ला

Sachin on 99!

And I looked at the score board once more. A trickle of sweat ran down my eyebrow and entered my eyes. I wiped that trickle off with my left glove. Now my eyes met with Sachin’s. He was at the non-striker’s end. He was a picture of contagious composure. A portrait of self assurance! That gave me a lot of confidence. Everyone knew what he was capable of doing. But my abilities were up for acid test. But somehow he standing at the other end gave me a lot of confidence. I knew I could do it. But for that final leap of faith, I needed him to be there. His presence was so calming. All the chills running down my spine were turned into momentary shivers. They came and went. I took my stance. Looked up again. It was my 165^th minute of waiting for another delivery. Bowler came charging in. He looked like a man on mission, a man possessed. Full toss! Minimal effort from my side and the ball was dispatched into the stand over the mid wicket boundary. I rocked my fists with Sachin’s. He smiled at me and didn’t say a thing. He had confidence in my abilities. He knew what I could do. He had seen me play and was sure that I will pull it off. His faith was the cornerstone of my growing confidence in what I was going to do tonight.

Second ball landed on good length and failed to bother me in thinking any other way. The ball landed 18 rows beyond the longest boundary on the ground. Our fists rocked again and he smiled again. But this time he said – “Good shot, well played!”

Third ball was sprayed down the leg and it took only a blink of my eyes to deposit it into the stands. This time I stood in the crease. Sachin applauded the shot by raising his bat and tapping his hand on it. The smile was difficult to get off his face. I was in my zone. I could just see people dancing in the stands. I couldn’t hear their shrieking cries. I could see the madness but couldn’t feel it. I was waiting for the next delivery. This time he bowled it short and wide. I picked it up on the rise and deposited deep into the stand behind third man. I knew the pitch and the pitch was getting to know me. Somehow I feel it had to happen. After all Sachin was there at the other end. It was the Master watching over me. How could I ever fail?

I didn’t care for the fifth delivery. I strode out, took the ball on the full, enticed the long on fielder for a second or two, but finally sent the ball where it deserved to go. There was no other place that ball was destined to go. Over long on boundary! How does it feel hitting 5 sixes in a row? Yuvraj Singh would have told me everything in detail. The anxiety in his brain, twirl in his stomach and the pride in his heart. But I wanted a date with these only after the sixth delivery. There was no room for failure. I had to do this. There’s no way out. I can’t let everyone down. I’m in the zone. I know I’m capable and I can do this. I could still see people dancing in the stands. They had gone berserk. This was pandemonium of deep love. A state where you forget everything. Someone would have called it euphoria. But this is way beyond that. I don’t seem to know what it is. But whatever it is, I know it’s because of me. It’s the dance of madness derived out of journey beyond expectations. I know I can’t fail. I can’t afford to fail. I can’t let these people down. See the joy on their faces. Will they settle for anything less? Will they be satisfied? Will they ever get to know what’s going in my mind? And does that really matter? I am supposed to play and am doing that. But why am I feeling that I can’t afford to fail?

A final look at the scoreboard. I close my eyes. Now I can hear them shouting in the stands. It’s getting louder each passing moment. I can even see their faces. Some ecstatic, some jeering. All painted with different colors. And the bowler runs in. He looks jaded – perhaps the effect of what happened in the last five deliveries. But he hasn’t given up yet. I look at Sachin for a moment. And he’s looking the other way. I can’t see his face or his eyes. His back faces me. What has happened all of a sudden? Ball is in mid air, hurtling towards me. Now faces surround me. They are shouting in my ears.

It’s a low full toss. I throw the kitchen’s sink at it. And the stadium goes silent. The ball has written its own destiny. It somehow evaded my bad and chose to kiss the middle stump. It lies uprooted on the ground. I look up and everyone’s gone. I am standing alone on the pitch. Where’s everyone? What about the people? And where’s Sachin? I call out his name. Someone taps me on my shoulder. I look at him. Sonu is ecstatic as he says – “Come! Sachin’s on 99!” I throw my blanket away and rush towards the guest room.

Dreamy eyes!

When this society pushes you more than what you can take

When you are lost within, having very little to fake

Just remember the times when you swore by dreams

And you followed your passion by insidious screams

It’ll strike you, don’t you worry soldier

Dream is your baby, don’t worry just hold her

It’ll burn from inside, it’ll tear you apart

It’ll be difficult to face, it’ll pierce your heart

But don’t worry soldier, keep up the fight

With every drop of blood, with all your might

Because I’ve not known even a single guy

Who’s fought hard and has missed the pie

Your time will soon come, don’t you worry

Just wear that armor soldier, come !come! hurry!

Can’t you see you’re almost there

Can’t you question yourself if not here, then where?

I know the life is being sucked out of you

But hang on! Just do what you’re supposed to do

This life is precious, not gonna come again

Do you want to lose it in a petty bargain?

No soldier! You’re not gonna lose it from here

Come let’s walk down, over there to your lair

You can’t miss meeting her

It’s all you’ve tried for soldier

There she sits cozily in a corner

You can’t miss that sight, come on you soldier

Take all your rest up there, just keep on walking

It’s as good as dead coming here and then baulking

History won’t forgive you if you can’t make it

Can’t you see you don’t have chains, come on shake it!

Don’t die on me like this, we’re almost there

Don’t prove this to be nothing but just a snare

Ah! Where’s the life in you?

Where’s the freshness of that morning dew?

Yes, that’s more like it! Let’s move fast

Let’s get the ship back in shape, let’s hoist the mast

Hey world, see we’re coming, just wait for us

Don’t you like it, hey you! I’m talking to you cuss!

See these colors of life, see them dissolve

They were waiting for you, waiting to absolve

Can you see the light over there, those glowing flares?

We’re going there, yes where hardly anyone dares

And inhale the joys of life

Fruits of sweat, ripened in strife

The journey has surely cost you, your moments and your life

But isn’t this the day you were waiting for, in days of yore and rife

Lo and behold, the beauty before your eyes

Live the moment fully before it dies

Look there in the corner, you can go and rest

Because she’s waiting for you, you have passed her test

Her lap is pristine, a sea of tranquility

You deserve it thoroughly, a portrait of humility

And I too can lie down with you

Such moments I’ve waited for have been very few

And I can look into your eyes when you are fast asleep

How you have toiled hard and have plunged so deep

And I look at her face now, and she smiles on you

You’ve made her proud, and she’s fond of you

And while I sink deeper into the valley of mirth

I know you’ve achieved your purpose of birth!

नयी उड़ान

संकरी  सी  वो  गली
जिसमे  गिरते  पड़ते  मैं  चला
दीवारों  के  बीच
रौशनी से दूर
ठोकर  खाते  बढ़ता  चला

इक  मोड़  आया
और  रौशनी  से  मुलाक़ात  हुई
रस्ता  हुआ  विराट
और  मन  से  कुछ  बात  हुई

वो  दृश्य  था  अनूठा
न  कभी  देखा  न  सुना
रौशनी  की  चकाचौंध  में
हर  एक  मंज़र  ऐसा  बुना  था

बढ़  चला  मैं  आगे
पर  अपने  पैरों पर  नहीं
ना  जाने  वो  पंख  कहाँ  से  लगे
दूरों  तक  कोई  डगर  नहीं

आसमां  में  उड़  चला
उड़ता  चला  बेफिक्र
क्या  छोड़  आया  अपने  पीछे
करूं  क्या  अब  जिक्र

मैं  न  था  अकेला  उस  आसमां  में
और  भी  थे  उड़ते  हुए
उड़  पड़ा  उनके  ही  संग
लगातार  बढ़ते  हुए

फिर  अचानक  एक  आंधी  आई
पंख  मेरे  उड़  गए
क्या  पता  हुआ  उनका  क्या
हाथ  मेरे  जुड़  गए

आ  गिरा  वापिस  इस  ज़मीन  पर

जब  आँख  खुली
पाया  उनको  अपने  पास
जिनके  पर  कट  गए  थे
अरे  जो  अपने  से  थे
कहीं  दूर  गुम  हो  गए  थे
मैं  उस  गली  से  जब  बाहर  आया  था
तो  वो  पीछे  ही  छूट  गए  थे

क्या  हुआ  था  उनका
यह  मुझे  नहीं  मालूम
पर  वो  आज  मेरे  साथ  हैं
क्यूँ  डरूं  के  पंख मेरे  कट  गए
वो  आज  मेरे  साथ  हैं

फिर  आयेंगे  मौके  कई
वैसी  उड़ान  भरने  के
पर  मैं  आज  उस  गली  से  न  निकलूंगा
नए  पर  लगाने
जो  था  मैंने  उस  उड़ान  में  खो  दिया
आज  वो  मेरे  साथ  हैं

दूर  मोड़  पर  रौशनी  है
और  हाथों  में  हाथ

देख  लेंगे  इस  जमाने  को
वोह  आज  मेरे  साथ  हैं

हुँकार

नहीं रहूँ  लाचार 

हुँकार  आज  मैं  भरता  हूँ 

आये विपदा अपरम्पार 

मैं  कहाँ  किसी  से  डरता  हूँ 

आयें  कितनी  पगबाधा 

मैं  लांघ  सभी  को  बढ़ता  हूँ 

प्रबल  मन  का  यह  प्रचार 

आज  कर्म  भूमि  से  करता  हूँ 

विश्व  शांति  की  इक  गुहार 

मैं  रोज़  लगाये  अड़ता  हूँ 

दृढनिश्चय   का  प्रबल  प्रहार 

मैं  क्षण  क्षण  भर  में  करता  हूँ 

पाप  और  अभिमान  भरी 

मैं  उन  आँखों  में  गड़ता  हूँ 

अगर  कभी  साहस  छूटे 

तो  देख  मुझे  मैं  दृढ़ता  हूँ 

राष्ट्र  धर्मं  की  ध्वजा  लिए 

मैं  जन्मभूमि  पर  बढ़ता  हूँ 

माँ  आंच  न  तुझपर  आने  दूंगा 

हुँकार  आज  मैं  भरता  हूँ 

The story of my life: Prologue

He (Rogue) fell on the floor with a thud. Somewhat scary. Must have broken a tooth or two in the process. His eyes wide open. And here I was lying on the floor facing him right into his eyes. His eyes seemed to have recognized me. But he couldn’t do much except lying there and waiting to be carried away in the lap of death. I could see the blood forming a pool around his body. That was nauseating. I can’t blame myself either. I had never seen such a scene before!

As I lay on the floor, I could hear footsteps receding. Those didn’t belong to someone on mission. They were quite jittery. Undecided and clumsy. I could as well hear the door shut with a mild cringe. That made sure that he (Destiny’s Child) was gone. That made sure that both of us would have to bear the deafening silence of this room. Since none of us could move, it was a wait till eternity. I caught his eyes once again. Battling eyelids, they were starting to get moist. He was not able to move, but the whole scene of life battling it out within the trap of death was surely moving.

My smoky nostrils were getting too hard to bear. It was tough to keep looking at that man. However hard I tried to keep my eyes shut, it came to nothing. It seemed like it was in my destiny to witness that scene being played out in front of me. I pitied that man. Well of course he had an altercation just a few moments ago and was fuming badly. If I remember correctly, it had something to do with some delivery. Someone had botched up the whole deal. Things could get hard to comprehend when you sit in the dark eavesdropping. To be precise: in a closet. And then sense failed to prevail. I could sense some punches flying here and there, some punches lying on cheeks and bones. And then light. The last thing I remember is the other guy (Destiny’s Child) holding me in front of the Rogue. A booming sound. Within moments, I fell flat on the floor. And then, the Rogue fell on the floor with a thud.

I think by now he must be dead. His eyes aren’t moving. His body is not moving. He seems to be in a mood to keep looking at me forever. I hate this. Why can’t I move or even close my eyes? I feel so helpless! His gaze is so piercing. I need help.

I can hear the door opening and footsteps nearing the room. Someone seems to be standing at the entrance of the room and taking stock of what really happened. Is he the Destiny’s Child? Has he come back to see how things are shaping up in here? A pair of shoes goes towering above my head. Nicely polished and shiny. He stands between me and the Rogue. I can’t see his face yet. He’s looking at Rogue. He bends down. Nice Khaki shirt he’s wearing. Stars on both the shoulders. Three at least on both sides. He wears a cap, slightly leaning forward. He turns around. I see his face. Grim looking eyes fixated on me. He won’t touch me as he didn’t touch Rogue. He stands up. Adjusts his cap and asks someone to handle me with care. That I suppose is the ideal way to handle a M1911 pistol!

The story of my life

The Anxiety:

It's confirmed. I'll be up early tomorrow. After so many days. Or years? Doesn't matter. What matters is that I'll have to be there. No matter what happens now, my presence is indispensable. Last I remember, it was a hefty young man. Had smile on his face, as if he'd been blessed with a bountiful till eternity. But it isn't that worrisome. There'll be my companions. It can't be done without them. And that rotund black fellow with gigantic moustache, whom I call “The Devil”. I'm pretty sure he oils them daily. And I wonder how he can dare looking at his own face in the mirror daily. That'll give me goose bumps. He'll also be there. And not to forget the man with stars on his shoulders, whom I call “The Boss”. Both sides. I bet they'll shine to the hilt under the sun. But I've never seen him that way. I can barely remember his face. The cap on his head is ever leaning, covering his eyes and the shadow leaving just about his jaw line for view. His lean body always stands erect and the look on his face gives nothing away.

Moment of truth:

I hate to admit it but have nowhere to go. Getting up early is not the problem for me, but being a part of the act is. The Devil is never late. He’s arrived bang on time. He’s checked everything and it all looks good to go. The Devil stands on one side, hands clasped together and gaze fixed in oblivion. As I fix my gaze towards other occupants of the room, The Boss walks in. He looks nice and pristine with his shirt tucked in his trousers. The cap on his face ceremoniously hiding the look in his eyes. The jaw line, as usual fails to give anything away. He comes and stands upright on my left. Their presence fails to wake the silence out of its slumber. And I keep staring at the doorway with bated breath. The time is ripe. A dawn beckons us. The first lights to reach earth would soon be starting their journey, oblivious of what they are going to see. Their purity has never heard of the ills which we commit on this planet. Their innocence is limited to their act of illuminating the dark earth. They don’t ask anything in return, but expect to see all the goodness out here. Their journey has very few expectations. The least we can do to them is to make them see the best we have in here. The wrongdoings of dark must be cleansed before their arrival. And this is just that time when I need to do my job. There are few rules set by this society which must be protected and followed at any cost. There are sermons and then, there are verdicts. They say the law which binds us together is blind. I’m not sure how they announce verdicts. Are they doing their jobs well? Am I doing what is expected of me?

My thought trail is broken by clanking of chains at the door. This view is the most dreadful. First look of a man I’m going to embrace. He looks very thin. He’s not very tall either. His face looks washed but not shaven. That’s strange and first of its kind. Two men accompany him, holding both his arms. The last man I faced has smile on his face. But not this one! But I can’t see fear either. I choose to call him, “Destiny’s Child”

The Devil moves. I know it is only to bring Destiny’s Child to me. I look at his face closely. He hides no pain or fear but is unpleasantly calm. He lifts his head up to lock his gaze with my eyes. What beautiful eyes! Looks like someone has fished out emerald from deep sea to decorate his face. There’s unflinching glint in his eyes, which is making me nervous. And for a moment, I’m desperately trying to shriek out to The Devil to make it end fast. It’s almost unbearable and even if I wanted, I can’t take my eyes off him. His look is locked in a permanent gaze until suddenly, it goes dark. The shining emerald is covered with that sepulchral cloth. The dawn has once again been darkened. The look of life has been gagged beyond recovery. The eyes of hope have been gouged beyond repair. And The Devil has gotten back to work. Lights are only a few minutes away and he has to accomplish what he does best. Destiny’s Child stands right in front of me. It’s time to embrace. One more time when speechless agony marries unconventional calm. I’ll have to hold him tight. The lights would be here soon. I can’t let him slip once again into the darkness. Lights must see the beauty they deserve. Nights must devour all the impurities of life. And I must fall in love with the fallen. There’s some relief even in melancholy. I’m more than the knots that tie me. I’m more than just a noose.

तेरी अनकही सी आवाज़ हूँ मैं

तेरी  अनकही  सी  असमंजस  भरी  आवाज़ हूँ  मैं 

तेरे  इस  नए  जेहेन  का , नए  फितूर  का  आगाज़  हूँ  मैं 

तेरे  ख्वाबों  का  नूर 

उस  पहले  इश्क  का  मीठा  सा  एहसास  हूँ  मैं 

तेरे  उँगलियों  की  सिहरन 

और  उस  चुलबुले  दिल  की  शायरी  के  अलफ़ाज़  हूँ  मैं 

तेरा  दांतों  तले पल्लू  दबाना 

उस  हया  की  खिलखिलाहट  का  नया  अंदाज़  हूँ  मैं 

मुझे  देखकर  नज़रें  चुराना 

तेरे  दिल  के  हर  तस्सवुर  का  हमराज़  हूँ  मैं 

तेरी  सौंधी  सी  हंसी 

तेरे  दिल  के  तरन्नुम  का  नशीला  आभास  हूँ  मैं