The Anxiety:
It's confirmed. I'll be up early tomorrow. After so many days. Or years? Doesn't matter. What matters is that I'll have to be there. No matter what happens now, my presence is indispensable. Last I remember, it was a hefty young man. Had smile on his face, as if he'd been blessed with a bountiful till eternity. But it isn't that worrisome. There'll be my companions. It can't be done without them. And that rotund black fellow with gigantic moustache, whom I call “The Devil”. I'm pretty sure he oils them daily. And I wonder how he can dare looking at his own face in the mirror daily. That'll give me goose bumps. He'll also be there. And not to forget the man with stars on his shoulders, whom I call “The Boss”. Both sides. I bet they'll shine to the hilt under the sun. But I've never seen him that way. I can barely remember his face. The cap on his head is ever leaning, covering his eyes and the shadow leaving just about his jaw line for view. His lean body always stands erect and the look on his face gives nothing away.
Moment of truth:
I hate to admit it but have nowhere to go. Getting up early is not the problem for me, but being a part of the act is. The Devil is never late. He’s arrived bang on time. He’s checked everything and it all looks good to go. The Devil stands on one side, hands clasped together and gaze fixed in oblivion. As I fix my gaze towards other occupants of the room, The Boss walks in. He looks nice and pristine with his shirt tucked in his trousers. The cap on his face ceremoniously hiding the look in his eyes. The jaw line, as usual fails to give anything away. He comes and stands upright on my left. Their presence fails to wake the silence out of its slumber. And I keep staring at the doorway with bated breath. The time is ripe. A dawn beckons us. The first lights to reach earth would soon be starting their journey, oblivious of what they are going to see. Their purity has never heard of the ills which we commit on this planet. Their innocence is limited to their act of illuminating the dark earth. They don’t ask anything in return, but expect to see all the goodness out here. Their journey has very few expectations. The least we can do to them is to make them see the best we have in here. The wrongdoings of dark must be cleansed before their arrival. And this is just that time when I need to do my job. There are few rules set by this society which must be protected and followed at any cost. There are sermons and then, there are verdicts. They say the law which binds us together is blind. I’m not sure how they announce verdicts. Are they doing their jobs well? Am I doing what is expected of me?
My thought trail is broken by clanking of chains at the door. This view is the most dreadful. First look of a man I’m going to embrace. He looks very thin. He’s not very tall either. His face looks washed but not shaven. That’s strange and first of its kind. Two men accompany him, holding both his arms. The last man I faced has smile on his face. But not this one! But I can’t see fear either. I choose to call him, “Destiny’s Child”
The Devil moves. I know it is only to bring Destiny’s Child to me. I look at his face closely. He hides no pain or fear but is unpleasantly calm. He lifts his head up to lock his gaze with my eyes. What beautiful eyes! Looks like someone has fished out emerald from deep sea to decorate his face. There’s unflinching glint in his eyes, which is making me nervous. And for a moment, I’m desperately trying to shriek out to The Devil to make it end fast. It’s almost unbearable and even if I wanted, I can’t take my eyes off him. His look is locked in a permanent gaze until suddenly, it goes dark. The shining emerald is covered with that sepulchral cloth. The dawn has once again been darkened. The look of life has been gagged beyond recovery. The eyes of hope have been gouged beyond repair. And The Devil has gotten back to work. Lights are only a few minutes away and he has to accomplish what he does best. Destiny’s Child stands right in front of me. It’s time to embrace. One more time when speechless agony marries unconventional calm. I’ll have to hold him tight. The lights would be here soon. I can’t let him slip once again into the darkness. Lights must see the beauty they deserve. Nights must devour all the impurities of life. And I must fall in love with the fallen. There’s some relief even in melancholy. I’m more than the knots that tie me. I’m more than just a noose.
